The CJL — Borat style

This past week, Borat was a major topic of conversation.  Borat, a movie produced by Sacha Baron Cohen, which details a Kazakhstani reporter as he gets aquatinted with American culture and the American way of life.  Suffice it to say, the movie is comedic.

The following is a story, that was submitted by the “Associated” Press detailing the state of affairs in the House, directly following the initial movie showings.

The CJL is Borat

AP – Last weekend saw the debut of the much-anticipated Borat movie in many college towns, including our very own Ithaca, New York. After seeing the movie, a certain sympathizer with house values, currently so frum that he finds himself in a Yeshiva in Passaic, decided to go on his very own quest to bag Pamela Anderson’s. When he began his journey he was accompanied by a certain Sun columnist who also sings for the Chai Notes. Five minutes after leaving, the Sun columnist forgot the purpose of the mission and promptly returned to his room. After walking for three days and almost making it up the hill, tired, downtrodden from not having made an off-colour joke in over 24 hours, and dearly missing his Gemara, the Passaic Yeshiva student decided to bag Darleen from North Star instead, citing, “She’s also a blonde shiksa.”

When asked to comment, our president said, “We are not responsible for the actions of this Jew, though I would have certainly advocated bagging a different blonde shiska goddess, Hillary Clinton.” When the former president heard the term “blonde shiksa goddess,” all he could blurt out as he broke into his dance was, “They’re great for practice.”

When the programmers were asked for their opinion, the law student said he deeply regrets that the quest to bag Pamela Andersons was not turned into a house event. The other programmer had too much work to comment.

When we tried to approach one of the Cheesed chairs, she ran a reporter down and said, “Gotcha.” The reporter currently blames his cameraman for leaving the scene as he was being chased down, citing, “The cameraman set me up.”

In a disturbing incident where certain petrified female members of the third floor were seen throwing money at a hamster crawling around in a ball on the third floor, the treasurer was found promptly picking up the dollar bills as they were thrown at the confused rodent. When the advertiser was asked to comment she said, “One of the treasurers has changed form.” The other treasurer kept singing, “M is for Money, and that’s good enough for Jews.”

When the house manager was approached to comment, it was found there is currently no house manager. He turned into a toaster oven.


One Response to “The CJL — Borat style”

  1. ilan Says:

    I feel like a worse person for having read this.

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